Celebrity Deathmatch returns? 6 fights we want to see
Described as “the gnarliest, most over-the-top gorefest that’s ever made it past broadcast censors”, Celebrity Deathmatch is a cult fan favourite and rumours are circulating that it is set to return soon. In April 2015 MTV2 announced it was resurrecting the show and whilst no dates have been released for its airing, a pilot has been greenlit.
If you’re unfamiliar with the format, it is a claymation television show that depicts two (or more) celebrities fighting to the death in a wrestling ring. It’s known for the gory demises of its contestants as well as its witty social commentary.
Take this match from season three (2000-01) which sees beloved child actor Haley Joel Osment take on former child star turned twisted teen, Macaulay Culkin.
Hearing the news that this punchy programme might be making its way back on to our screens, we couldn’t help but start to dream about who we’d like to see in the ring…
Donald Trump vs. Hillary Clinton
Come on, it’s the inevitable fight that the whole world is waiting for. We’d want to see Hillary swinging Donald around by his flimsy strawberry blonde hair like she’s competing in the Olympic hammer throw.
Katy Perry vs. Taylor Swift
These famous feuding females just need to take out their anger on each other, and maybe CDM is the way to go about it. Both pop stars seem to have an unhealthy obsession affinity with cats so we’d hope to see the claws coming out in this match. We can’t help but imagine Katy Perry coming out victorious in this one – she would clearly fight dirty – but if T-Swizzle rocks up with any of her “squad” in tow, Perry might have a tough fight on her hands.
Shia La Beouf vs. Pop Culture
From the cheeky chappy at the helm of Even Stevens to the disturbed paper bag-wearing lunatic who told us all we could “just do it” – Shia LaBeouf has had some issues. What’s clear is that he has an intense dislike for what us mindless brainwashed followers call “pop culture”. In 2014 he tweeted “I am not famous anymore” 22 times before rocking up to his own Cannes film premiere wearing a paper bag bearing the motto. We have to admit that his commitment to the cause may just see him defeat pop culture once and for all.
Kim Kardashian vs. her own arse
It’s difficult to decide which is the more famous: one has absolutely no talent and the other is an arse. Kim notably once coined the term “belfie” (a photographic self-portrait featuring the buttocks) and has more recently moved on to fully nude selfies. Perhaps one day her rear end will cry mutiny and demand its own percentage of her earnings. Either way, this is a fight we want to see.
Chris Evans vs. Jeremy Clarkson
The ultimate petrolhead showdown, we imagine these two would happily make mincemeat out of each other – Clarkson certainly isn’t afraid of pulling a few punches – but you’d have to shut them up first. We can’t imagine either of their egos letting up long enough for them to take a hit. Perhaps it’s best we just lock them in a minivan and make them drive far far away.
Caitlyn Jenner vs. Kris Jenner
Friends, lovers, parents – these two have been through it all. Whilst in charge of possibly the rowdiest brood of all time, we know they’ll have had more than a handful of blazing arguments. Two years after the couple announced their separation, Caitlyn came out as a transgender woman which inevitably brought on a lot of “unwanted” attention to their marriage. It may be speculation, but we like to think this pair have a lot of unresolved issues they’d be more than happy to beat out of each other. It’ll be handbags at dawn.